When your family put you down

Hey guys 

Recently my parents have made me feel like utter crap I thought maybe you guys could relate therefore I'm giving myself the courage to write this 

In a recent argument with my mum she said that I do f* all for her and never thank her for what she does 

In another argument with my dad he told me when I was 17 I would not be getting a car or my driving lessons being paid ( my sister just got her first car as she is now 17 and old enough to drive ) 

My dad also said that when I was 18 I would have to leave home and next time we argue I will be the one to leave even if I'm not 18 

These argument happen with my family all the time to often 

They expect me to be top of every class have a good paying job and respect them 

Which is just not possible 

Also if someone doesn't respect you then never respect them they don't deserve anything from you 

If I'm being honest I only have a sister and friends to support me now 

I was never close with my family 

We aren't even family anymore 

And to be honest I wouldn't mind leaving home at 18 even sooner 

It's just the fact I was told to and that no one in this household shows any kindness or respect for me 

I have not been able to see the board in school properly since before spring/ester break I told my mum to make an appointment to get my eyes tested 

Nearly 3 months later and my sister needed and appointment so she could have up to date details for her driving license so my mum made one the day she found out she would need to put she wore glasses on her license 

It took my mum 3 month to make me and appointment and it was only cause my sister needed one I'm not against my sister she's the only one I get on with 

But you know it's annoying 

I know some of you guys will have the same problems and I hope that you do what's best for you 

Also stays strong it's clique but showing pain makes people think your weak when I k is everyone of you are strong enough to get threw your problems 

If things get seriously bad do something don't live a life where you are it happy 

If it's not okay it's not the end when it's the end everything will be okay 

Help yourself 

Bye guys x. 

I couldn't think of a title

Hey guys 

My last blog post was over a month ago and in that time I have been bombarded with homework and tests but also found out a lot and therefore experienced new things 

I recently thought I would start turning my blog into a diary to look back on 

But

I ghought u guys don't want to read about my everyday life 

Yet also I don't know how I feel about writing down my entire life to be published online 

I need new direction with my blog 

For this to happen I need to make blog post that make me feel I'm doin good instead of feeling like this is another piece of homework which it does right now 

I want to write about things that matter but I also want to write short story's and diys 

So this is what I think I'm going to do 

For now I'm going to try once a week 

Without a schedule 

So like Monday one week Thursday the next 

This isn't like a job or homework 

It's just a fun read for you and a memory to look back on for me 

That's it for today 

Hopefully I will upload more frequently 

                                                                   Bye guys.

( also I've got a proper money paying job now so I can finally buy more stuff to blog about and just do more exciting things that I can also blog) 

Quick question; do you guys have a May Day event in your towns?

Let me know in the comments 

Bye again. 

Saying goodbye (part 2)

Hey guys 

So um yeah it's been like 3 weeks since I've actually posted a blog post 

I don't have any excuses but the reasons why I haven't posted are pretty self explanatory and if your a good person you will understand why 

these last few weeks a lot has happened 

And my next upload was actually going to be on this topic any way so now I have new feelings and more recent experiences to add 

If you remember when I was explaing what I'm doing with these goodbye uploads I said that the inspiration come when a friend left and that I was thinking and I realised that saying goodbye has been a relatively regular thing for me 

I also said that upload would be about friendship and this one family 

You may also remember I said my granda wasn't doing to great ( I think I mentioned this I'm not 100% sure but if I didn't here it is now) 

After that he actually got better and I was noticing when I visited him ( in hospital) he was improving 

On the last week of school ( the last Tuesday before Easter break) my dad granny and my dads 2 sisters ( my aunties) were called into the hospital because my granda had taken a turn for the worst 

They left at around 9am on Tuesday morning then never got home till around 10:30 one of my aunties stayed you know so my granda wasn't alone 

What I'm trying to say is at 0:38 on Wednesday morning my granda died 

(My granny asked me to read out the death certificate to her since she couldn't find her glasses and I'm sure this was the time written) 

That morning it snowed I see it as my granda marking his last day alive on earth 

I spent a lot of my time at my granny's from the Friday (first day of Easter break) to now 

The whole time I've been thinking: 

- that this is not right 

- I need to see him once more 

- why now 

- one last hug ? Please 

It only hut me the day of the funeral (last Thursday) that he's actually gone and I'm never going to see him again that he's not in pain any more 

When I was at the funeral all I was thinking was: 

- he so close ( I was second row ( first was my dad aunties and granny))  I'm only a few meters away 

- I just want to see him 

- this is the closest I'm going to get 

- he's not going to see me live my dreams 

Now I'm coming to the realisation that I'm going to be okay everything is my granda is gone but he's still here in spirt he's going to watch over me see me succeed 

The thing I just don't like is since my granda died in a hospital he was laying in the mortery ( think that's how you spell it) 

( mortery translates as mort= death in Latin I think so death-ery) 

And he was laying in one of those movie style like metal drawers you pull out ( according to my parents) 

That scares me that he was just with other bodies 

Also my granda had been threw a number of operations ( leaving non healed scars) he also had a habit of pulling out drips ( the needles put in your skin used to pump fluids in) therefore he had lots of bruises 

All I can think now is he never god the chicken fillets he always asked for 

I guess it was just his time to go and I can't change that no one can 

Basicly I said at the start of this upload that I have had experience with losing people 

I have 

Lots of years ago I think 2007 I lost my great-uncle ( but I was to young to go to the funeral) 

in  2010 I lost my mums dad my granda 

In 2011 I lost my cousin ( he wasn't young he was much older the stereotype of cousin is always your but he wasn't 

In 2012 I lost my great-uncle 

In 2013 I lost my mums mum my granny 

And 

In 2015 I lost my dads dad my granda 

Each time it's different you remember different things and it all becomes such a whirlwind of memories and emotion 

But if you are going threw this remember to stay strong for other family don't annoy them be calm and ask I a nice Manor about the topic 

You may be hurting but everyone else is too

Let your feeling do what they want to do 

Also when you are at a funeral if you want to cry then cry 

I always thought people would judge me 

Truth is they are thinking the same 

The wait before it actually starts I find the worst because your sitting absolutely silent in a world of your own with all these emotions flying round 

Another thing if you want to talk about it and tell your friends for some support then do so your mind is confused and talking can help 

I personally don't like talking bout it 

For my granny and great uncles I remember the funerals were on school days and I had to tell people, and people asked where I was 

But this time with my granda I haven't told a sole I mentioned it on my fan account on Twitter but that's it none of my friends no yet 

They probably will after this though

If you guys are going threw this feel free to talk when I say I know how you feel I honestly know more than you think this time 

Please if you want to talk just leave a comment 

Also if people are being inconsiderate idiots about your situation don't take any thing they say 

Trust me they don't know a thing and if they are being mean at a time like this don't talk to them mute them completely they don't even deserve a look from you 

Sorry about such a wait and dramatic upload but yeah 

I was gonna do a coachella outfit idea blog post 2 weeks ago but obviously I didn't and now coachella is practically over so next week I'm gonna do a festivals outfit ideas instead 

( by the way coachella is a festival in California is massive and so many celebrities go it's open to anyone and everyone it's just an amazing experience all round ) and no I did not go this year but I will go one year 

If you want to say anything on this topic please leave a response in the comment section below but no hate guys 

Also yes this is extremely hard to upload putting a story about my grandmas death but I wanna reach out and help people and let them know they are not alone 

I will see you all next week 

                                                                  Bye guys 

 

Secrets

Hey guys 

I know I haven't written a post in like 2/3 weeks and I'm so sorry for that 

I know I shouldn't have any excuses 

But

A lot has been going on 

Also it's taken me ages to figure out how to write this blog post 

That's because I was told some pretty big secrets by others and I also told pretty big secrets to others  

Also one of my guy friends reads my blog and I don't want to tell him the secrets since there not all mine and I don't have the right to tell him 

So to get into this post 

A while ago one of my best friends (let's call her konradmam ( because me and my friends have a private joke about to do with her name)) 

Well konradmam came out and said she was bisexual

To start with I didn't know what I thought I was confused shocked and just wanted to be there for her by the way I accept her I'm not going to judge someone cause of their sexuality it doesn't matter to me 

Around that time my bestfriend (lets call her OnFleek cause why not ) 

So OnFleek said something that made me think but i was like whatever 

Lately me and and konradmam were bored so went into town together she freaked out about something for a minute and I was like what tell me are you okay 

Basicly she told me something about OnFleek that I didn't know and me and her are bestfriends what she told me was lets just say was overwhelming even though I sort of expected it 

I never thought it would be true 

I wanted to support OnFleek as much as I could so I was asking her if she had anything she wanted to tell me and that she could trust me 

I later just said it straight that I knew 

That whole day I was with konradmam the morning we were in town then we went home for like 2 hours then later we had this event to do with girlguiding ( where we just served teas coffee and biscuits to traditional music players at a concert) 

So therefore we got to talk about it a lot the chats got really deep at one point like we were talking about how we felt and everything now konradmam is one of my closer friends 

When OnFleek told konradmam that I had confronted her konradmam got a bit mad but I just laughed it off all the time probably not appropriate but I wasn't gonna sit their and argue or take what she was saying to heart 

We finally all started to talk properly about it and me and OnFleek had a really good conversation and she just told me straight whilst I herd her out she was like I really do trust you more than anyone but I didn't know how to approach it 

I was like I completely understand even though I felt a bit betrayed 

Earlier this week Konradmam told me something else that OnFleek said and this shocked me even more but made me happy at the same time  

But this I haven't confronted OnFleek about it just doesn't feel right even though konradmam told me to 

Basicly the point of this is some secrets should be discussed and confronted head on but others should be left to lay low 

Some times getting your head round things like this is super hard and to be honest it still confuses me and always will but that's the best part 

Also before I end this 

Do not make any assumptions about OnFleek 

My guy friend if your reading this do not talk to OnFleek or Konradmam about this and please don't. Make any assumptions with thank you 

Thanks for reading guys 

Next week is part.2 in my saying goodbye series 

So stay tuned for that 

                                                                      Bye guysxxx!!! 

Smart water review (not sponsored)

Hey guys 

Tuesday upload woops ( sorry I'm a bit late) 

I was thinking of doing the goodbye series part 2 but then I thought you might want a happier blog post 

also since I haven't done a review in a while 

I thought I would review smart water 

So basicly I've herd a few people say how it's tastes really nice and is much better for you and I was just like its just basic water 

As I saw more and more people drinking it I was like is it really that good 

When I went shopping I was like why not 

It was only around 60p per bottle ( 600ml ) or 80p ( 850ml) (prices taken from Asda.com/groceries) 

As you can see I got the 600ml but I wish I had got the 850ml 

As its actually really good 

You wouldn't think it but it tastes better than average tap water and other bottled waters 

It tastes so clean and pure 

They vapour distil it giving it that pure 'crisp'  taste 

This inspiration came from they way clouds work with water cycles

I think this is a very clever way as it gives you healthy (as if to say) water that is also a really good price 

Since drinking this my skin seems to be getting clearer 

Don't get me wrong I always drink water but now I only have a couple spots left 

As you drink it you also feel the difference 

This is not a bad nor good thing but I could drink so much of it I drank it all within 15 min 

( I don't know if this was due to the water or not but yesterday morning u woke up feeling really motivated and refreshed ) 

It is like better than water 

The package also looks very attractive and modern

Which would therefore catch someone's eye 

Not only is is it made and bottled in Great Britain 

But the bottle itself is made of up to 30% of plants and is 100% recyclable 

I do re come d you try it as its a good price I suggest you just try it if it's not making a difference to you and taste the exact same as tap water don't worry we all see things differently 

By the way this was not sponsored ( if you were wondering) 

Thanks for reading 

                                                              Bye guysxxx!!! 

Saying goodbye part 1

Hey guys 

Yes it's a Monday and I am posting this I have started to want to relax more on Sunday's and get into the work way of things on Mondays so since I am getting on and doing stuff I died to do this blog post

Also I want to do a few parts to this section seeing it from different angles

Recently one of my guy friends who I have know since I was around 3 or 4 moved away 

The school I go to has recently got a new head master (principle) and he has decide to have far less creative and expressive subject and focus on academic ones

Which means many of the pupils are getting really annoyed since they can't study the subjects they need to get certain qualifications

This friend has always been a more outgoing creative guy and since he was not allowed to study the subjects he needed he decide to ,I've to a different school 

Which ment the rest of his friends ( including me) had to say goodbye  

When we were around 3 or 4 me and him both did highland dancing ( form of Scottish dance) 

We both went to different primary schools ( elementary) So we never kept talking

A few years later when we were around 7 (I think) we both got piano lessons from the same teacher 

After that we had a few school events at the sam time 

But when we moved up to secondary school one of my bestfriends ( let's call her bands) became really good friends with him 

Therefore since I am friends with her me and him also became friends ( not extremely close but I could be weird around him and have a decent conversation) 

We also sis the school show together so spoke a lot 

Even now we still speak since we have many groupchats

Lately we have all been to his house a few times saying goodbye 

I feel really bad for bands because him and her were really close and now he's just gone 

Saying goodbye to friends is so hard ( flashback to my blog post about how I had fallen out with Lauren) 

But it's something you have to do 

my guy friend ( let's call him minion) 

Made the right decision if he was wanting to have a worth while career for himself 

And me and Lauren fell out so we could move on do something different make more memories 

Saying goodbye can be so hard feeling like your never gonna see or speak to someone again but It has to be done 

It can sometimes feel so hard but it life and life goes on so you should to 

Thank you for reading 

Have a good day or night wherever you live 

Next week might be more goodbye talks or it might be something more uplifting 

         

                                                                Bye guysxxx!!! 

Moving on

Hey guys 

First of all massive apology 

Yes I skipped a week of writing a post I decided not to write it on the Sunday and that I would write it on the Monday truth is last week was one of the busiest weeks ever so it never got writen 

But 

I have quite a few ideas in my mind for upcoming blog posts which I hope you will like

Anyway this past week I have been obsessed with the song 'Miss Movin On' by Fifth Harmony 

( especially Aubrey millers cover of it) 

And well it got me thinking I hate change but it has to happen 

I really want to make so many changes in my life 

But 

Change for me is so scary 

I have decide I'm not going to let everyone around me change and me stay in this same boring old faze

Whe I was growing up me and my family always drove around the country together during school breaks

Now we don't we have grown apart and that's one change I didn't mind

I don't know why but I don't mind drifting away from my parents ( I don't want to drift away from mys sister though we are actually quite close) 

I could legit leave this country tomorrow and only miss a few people 

I want to make a plan now so that I can make my life change 

I've been looking at apartments in Los Angeles, California I know I'm only 15(this year)  and can't move out for another year 

But for ages now I have wanted to to LA and I have decide that i am 100% going in 2018 without a doubt 

It's my biggest dream no one is going to stop me achive it 

When I'm out there I'm going to look at apartments if I like them enough I will get one

I obviously want to go to university if I can't get into one in America I will come back home complete the courses I want but in a university far from my parents 

Then move out to LA once I graduate 

I don't want to stay this unhappy with life forever I'm going to move on to where I want to be in life 

I recommend you should to 

as I mentioned earlier Aubrey millers cover of Miss Movin On inspired me a lot 

During the video it shows her going from being a ballerina to Movin on to dance more of a hip hop on the streets emotional dance style 

Showing that she didn't want to continue to do ballet any more she wanted to express herself 

With me I don't want to live in this one boring place anymore I want to move somewhere completely different start a new adventure where no one knows me, my personality or my story 

Movin on form one thing to another can be scary but when it's not you know it's right 

Be the change you want to see 

Don't let others influence you

If it's what u want to do then go for it 

In the comments let me know if you are gonna make a change or if you already have?

Tell me you perspective on change?

If you want to move on how ?

I'm here to listen so let's communicate

Thank you for reading 

Another post next Sunday 

                                                                 Bye guysxxx!!!